Identify the Roadblocks so You Can Overcome Them
By Jacent Wamala, LMFT | February 29, 2020
It’s safe to say that the 2 things that bring people to therapy most are anxiety and depression. With the advancement of social media and technology we hear these terms thrown around a lot which can be helpful because people are talking about it but it can also create confusion. Both of these conditions have the potential to greatly impact one’s life.
Depression
Jacent views both on a spectrum. On one hand, dwelling on the past leads to sadness which over time can lead to depression. Replying to situations and scenarios. Wishing you shoulda, coulda, woulda done something differently and so on. This leads to paralysis. That’s why when someone is depressed they have trouble literally moving or attending basic functions. Things like getting out of bed seem overwhelming. Lack of motivation and energy are at an all time low.
Anxiety
On the other hand, predicting negative outcomes in the future leads to nervousness and worry which unchecked over time can develop to anxiety. When we spend time thinking off all the bad things that can happen paralysis is the result. Making it difficult to make a decision or act at all for fear of a bad outcome.
How these conditions manifest are specific to each person because everyone has unique contributors like biological and environmental factors. With that being being said depression being a result of being stuck in the past and anxiety the result of being stuck in the future, we have to remember neither of which exist in the present moment. This is why practices such as mindfulness and meditation are effective because the premise is that you learn to be here now.
With a better understanding of what’s going on, we can understand that there has to be some level of stimulus or stress. Finding the sweet spot is the ultimate goal and acceptance is the path to gently bringing yourself back to the moment.
Acceptance is Key
One of the greatest issues we face is not accepting ourselves as we are. “We live in the context and opinion of others” is what Les Brown says. Rather than forming our own opinion on ourselves and deciding to accept our fears, flaws and all, we try to shift and change ourselves into what we think we are supposed to be. Practice the next three things to help manage your experience:
- Who are you? Without the frills and the filters. Get real with yourself and take a good look in the mirror, metaphorically and physically. Do a self-assessment on who you are right now at this moment.
- Do you like what you see? We are all complex. We all have and experience the full range of emotions. I have had clients express a desire to eradicate and emotional completely. For example, if they have a habit of worry they don’t want worry in their life at all. It makes sense because our issues can wreak havoc on our lives.
- Practice nonjudgmental self-acceptance. Louise Hay, who I’m obsessed with if you haven’t noticed suggests doing affirmations in the mirror. Have you tried telling yourself you love and accept yourself before? What came up for you? If it was challenging then you wanna keep working at it. You deserve love and acceptance. Why are you withholding it from yourself and expecting it from others?
When all else fails there is no shame in getting support. All the best have entire teams dedicated to their success and wellbeing. You are no different.
It’s ok to Get Help
If you’re like most people, you may wonder why Therapy even works in the first place. Factors such as empathy, client commitment, desire for change and therapeutic modalities contribute to the process; however, the answer does not rest on just one factor. There is one element that can make or break therapeutic success.
Research suggests that the most important predictor for therapeutic success is fit. When you’re looking for a therapist you want to make sure you are comfortable being uncomfortable with them. Specifically during the first session as they will most likely ask a lot of questions pertaining to why you are seeking therapy in order to conceptualize your case and build rapport. As you have your initial sessions with your prospective Therapist, gauge how comfortable they make you feel. All your concerns will most likely not be resolved in the first session, but leaving with a sense of hope is a great indicator that therapy with that specific person may be successful.
Therapy can be hard work. At some point you will dive into some deep dark corners of your life that you may have tried to avoid. Your Therapist is there to be your guide and support you through those tough sessions but it doesn’t have to be all bad. It seems like therapy gets a reputation for being painful and somber. While this is true at times, clients are allowed and encouraged to share victories and success stories. Each Therapist is different so you want to find someone whose personality and style matches what you are looking for. There is nothing wrong with using a phone consultation or initial session to interview your Therapist to find out if its a good fit.
Therapy as an Option for Healing
What to do now? Therapy is just one way to heal and work through life’s challenges. It can be really efficient when you have the right fit. Below are just a few of the many signs that Therapy might be helpful for you.
- You’re coping skills aren’t working
Life is always throwing things our way, and typically we learn how to handle them through the process of trial and error. However, sometimes life will throw us off in a way we have no idea how to deal with like, grief, loss, depression, and anxiety. We might exhaust all other options leaving us feeling like we don’t have many choices. Sometimes we even begin to self-medicate to numb the pain. Whether you’re experiencing the first warning signs or feel like you’re too far gone, counseling could be the breakthrough you need.
- You’re willing to do the work
Therapy is work. I’m not gonna lie to you. Most of the time clients figure that out as they go. Hopefully it’s the kind of work that pays off and you’re happy to have done. However, when someone is able to enter therapy with the understanding that it is a process, they are better prepared. Your therapist will guide and support you and I will share how to find a good Therapist in another blog.
- You’re looking for a safe space
The best part of therapy is that it is a non-judgmental, neutral environment to share all the things you are unable to share otherwise. Things like the fear of judgment from others or disappointing family and/or friends can keep us from addressing certain feelings and experiences. Your Therapist is trained to work through life’s challenges with you.
You are the best investment you will ever make. Taking the time to work on yourself will only benefit you in the long run in all areas of your life. Start wherever seems the most helpful for you right now, with all you have on your plate and all the things will eventually be forgotten.
About Author
Jacent Wamala is a Las Vegas based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She specializes in working with women of color on anxiety, depression, trauma and life transitions. They come in feeling defeated and stuck in their situations so they are lost on what their next steps are. She finds joy in helping them find clarity and courage to overcome their life’s obstacles. She also shares mental health awareness tips on social media and her podcast.
Connect with Jacent:
Website: https://www.wamalawellness.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juscallme_j/
