The invention of computers and the internet has profoundly altered our society. It has changed the way we live, work, and communicate. Need to have an urgent meeting with your co-workers while you’re lounging about Italy’s museums and consuming copious amounts of pizza? No problem, Zoom has got you covered. Did you forget to turn off the TV before you left home? Again? What a relief that it’s connected to a smart plug that you can turn off using an app. Did you miss your distant cousin’s 30th birthday? Well, you didn’t, because she just uploaded 78 photos on Facebook for you to see.

Technology: Friend or Foe?

Technology is so deeply intertwined with our day-to-day affairs that we would willingly trade our soul for our smartphone, if it came to that. But it is not really the device we crave – even though the new iPhone looks gorgeous – we crave the ability to do things with it. If we’re bored, we can summon Netflix on our laptop and savor some of the finest cinema. If we’re feeling down, YouTube and Tumblr have enough cat videos to keep us aww-ing for hours. There is also the option to fire up the PlayStation and kill a few (or many) hours. The technological advancements we have at our disposal present us with unfathomable opportunities for growth. However, it only takes watching a few episodes of Black Mirror to recognize that there exists a dark and terrifying side to these seemingly innocuous apps and devices.

It is worth remembering that technology is addictive by design.

Companies strive to make their products as addictive as possible to maximize their profits. Companies like Google and Facebook literally have dedicated teams of researchers and scientists to put their brains together to design these products. Unfortunately, whether that profit comes at the cost of your well-being is not always something they are concerned with. This makes it imperative for you to evaluate your relationship with technology. Does it help or hinder your progress? Does it replenish your emotional bandwidth or drain it? Does it make you more productive at work or steal your hours and your focus? With some introspection, you can understand what role technology plays in your life.

Assessing Your Relationship With Tech

To help you get started, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:

Do you feel anxious when you don’t have access to your phone?

Are you constantly worried that you might have missed an important notification? Do you feel uneasy, even physically uncomfortable, without your phone? Is your mind surging with a strong desire to just check it once, even if you’re certain you wouldn’t have received anything particularly important? The feeling of impending doom just because you have not checked your smartphone is a sign that you may be too attached to it.

Does social media cast an inescapable spell on you?

Do you open Instagram to take a quick glance at the notifications and get sucked into the infinite scrolling through posts, only to realize two hours later what has happened? Does looking at other people’s posts make you envious? Does looking at all the posts of your friends “supposedly” having the time of their lives make you feel like you’re missing out? Are you always more concerned with taking the best picture instead of enjoying the moment? If so, this implies that your self-esteem is heavily reliant on social media. Numerous studies have documented how detrimental social media can be to our mental health.

Is technology getting in the way of a good night’s sleep?

Do you get sucked into the latest Netflix series and binge watch it late into the night? Or maybe the new video game is too exciting and you just want 5 more minutes, which turn into 50 minutes and now it’s way past your bedtime? Perhaps you are the productive type, and find yourself finessing that Powerpoint or filling up spreadsheets into the wee hours of night. Either way, your screen exposure is messing up your sleep and you aren’t sleeping well enough to feel rejuvenated the next day.

Are your relationships suffering because you’re always glued to your screen?

Do you go out for a meal with your friend or loved one and constantly check your phone instead of listening to what they are saying? Are you so engrossed in texting at the dinner table that you don’t even notice what you’re eating? A little reflection will reveal how your family and friends feel when you choose your phone over them. And if you often have to call off plans to hang out with others because the temptation to continue the video game is too strong, you are setting yourself up for social isolation. You have to remember that in difficult times, it is your family and your friends who comfort you, not your phone or your gaming console.

Is your phone tugging at you with notifications all the time?

Taking a minute or two to check your notifications while you’re studying can’t be too bad, right? How about a quick glance at WhatsApp or Slack while you’re in an important meeting?

Well, I hate to tell you this, but even two minutes can derail you from the task you were focusing on. It can take up to 23 minutes to regain your focus after you’re distracted. See how costly those two minutes can be?

Is your leisure time confined to the digital space?

Do you always turn to video games or TV to unwind? Is the internet more alluring than going out for a walk or a hike? Do all of your hobbies involve your phone or your laptop? If your hobbies and passions are strictly limited to digital devices, then you are missing out on crucial human interaction. This can lead you down a path to loneliness and even depression.

Establishing Healthy Boundaries With Tech

If your reality is starting to look like a dystopian sci-fi flick, don’t worry. Technology has its redeeming qualities, and when used in moderation it can be incredibly beneficial. If you find your impulses getting the better of you, here are some ways you can tame the technology and make it work for you:

1. Build awareness around your use. To change a behavior we first need to be aware of it. The ideal way to start is by monitoring how you use your devices. For a smartphone, you can either use built-in tools or install an app that tracks your usage. It’s often hard to remember how much time we spent swiping and scrolling through the numerous shiny apps on our phone. Tracking provides you concrete evidence that is hard to refute. Seeing that you spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday and another two on Facebook can serve as a wake-up call. Same goes for the 5 hours spent playing Call of Duty.
2. Establish no-tech zones.  It is a lot easier to resist the temptation to check the phone if it is in the other room. You can establish rules for yourself such as not keeping the phone in the bedroom. It’s great if you turn off your phone an hour before bedtime. This way you could even sneak in some other activities before bedtime such as reading a book or meditating. These are great ways to wind down and prepare for a thoroughly reinvigorating sleep. You can up the level by establishing no-tech time zones as well — the idea is to designate a certain time of day when you turn off your devices. This could be dinner time or family time, or any time of the day that works best for you.
3. Dial down the incessant notifications.  It’s hard to focus when your phone is constantly pinging and prodding you to use it. Is it necessary to know right now who liked your post on Instagram? Can the banter on the group chat wait until you’re free? And what about the latest uploads on YouTube? If you are working on something that demands your full attention — a term paper or an important work presentation — it is best to either turn off all the unimportant notifications or put your phone away in your desk or your bag. You will be amazed by how productive you can be with uninterrupted focus. In addition, you can assign a certain time of the day when you can check in on your messages, social media, and favorite apps.
4. Prioritize people over your devices.  Putting your phone away when you are with family or friends shows them that you respect their time and company. It also allows you to be truly present in the moment so you can actually pay attention to the conversation and actively participate in it. This applies to video games as well. The game will always be there when you choose to return to it, so there is no point putting off plans to meet others just so you could play. Who knows, time spent with friends and family might turn out to be a lot more fun than the video game.

In our digitally connected world, our aim should be to forge a harmonious relationship with technology. We must strive to find the balance that aligns with our long-term wellbeing. Our devices are not monsters that must be slayed, they are vehicles that can help us achieve success and freedom ONLY if you prioritize setting healthy boundaries and not leave this up to chance. Ensure that you are in the driver seat, always.

About Author

Albert Nguyen is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice. He specializes in providing an integrative and eclectic approach to mental health care that includes personal self-care, anxiety and depression, and peak performance in children, teens and adults. Reach out for more information on how he can be of service to you here.